Plus, my respect for everyone involved went higher than before.
Both the feddit admins for working things out this quickly, and Ada for showing that she’s the kind of admin that will fight tooth and nail for her instance and the people on it, but not hold grudges.
The reason why drag misunderstood the situation is because Ada broke a promise. Drag thought she kept it because drag trusted her. She thought drag was trying to make her look bad by proving she lied. But… drag couldn’t know the promise was broken, because it was to have a conversation in private messages. Drag thought the third party involved was lying that Ada didn’t do it. Drag was trying to prove them wrong by showing the promise. Drag didn’t know that proving Ada made a promise would make her look bad.
People tend to cringe at weirdos who try to impose their incredibly niche language choices onto others
Like that guy who insisted on speaking exclusively in older English spellings (and was, like drag, a massive troll that was successful for a shockingly long time)
The choice of the specific one makes it look like it’s third person, but that’s not the way it’s used. While strange in implementation, it is a variation of the general concept of genderless speech that has been around for a few decades at this point.
If you change the specific one, drag, to something random like dey, it’s easier to parse. That it’s similar to the user name makes it more confusing than other options might.
It’s a lot to wrap one’s head around. I still can’t manage to think that way, and suspect I may never be able to. I can’t even manage to use that type of pronoun reliably in short bursts. It is, however, a very interesting concept that makes examining our language structure an informative process.
As an example, take a look at your own comment. It starts off aggressive, and making assumptions. Why? While the atypical pronoun usage can be confusing, it obviously isn’t a personal attack against you. So why does that confusion trigger aggressive word choices and structure? It’s at least partially because of dissonance stemming from unfamiliar language use.
But, why does that dissonance result in a desire to go after someone that was talking to someone else? Why does an unfamiliar form of communication shift a brain from just scrolling into aggression? It’s a fascinating thing once you step outside of the knee jerk reaction. Once you start looking at what’s happening inside yourself, and pick apart the chain of reactions, you see some inlaid patterns between language, expectations, and behaviors that’s enlightening.
See, we have this proclivity as people to reject the strange. Often on a very personal level, even when the originating stimulus isn’t personal at all. Again, the comment wasn’t directed at you. It’s obvious from the structure of it that it was directed at me in specific. It is also obvious that it was part of a conversation between two people familiar with each other.
It’s the equivalent of walking down the street, hearing two people talking, and getting upset at how they’re talking. It’s unlikely you would roll up to two people babbling in pig latin and say “what the fuck are you talking about” to one of them. I mean, I assume you’re not that big of a dick, nor stupid rich enough to ignore the risks of speaking like that to someone you don’t know. Maybe you would do exactly that. But most people wouldn’t.
So, why would this be any different? See? What a fascinating opportunity for increasing one’s understanding of themselves
“I” is the most genderless pronoun in existence - is it not? It literally means me, as a singular human entity. Linguistically I am yet to see any valid argument for its exclusion or substitution in speech. I get the whole problem with he/her etc - there are a specific niche of humans where those words are not sufficient nor apt to describe them and thankfully language then evolved for the sake of inclusivity.
Well, the valid argument is that we don’t get to decide when and what pronouns to respect. There doesn’t need to be any other rationale. It is definitely more difficult to parse than “I”, but that’s a matter of practicality, not validity.
You either respect the person’s pronouns, explain that you have enough difficulty using them that it would be prohibitive (like I have elsewhere in other conversations) and be nice about it, or you choose to disrespect the pronoun choices. It is every individuals choice whether or not to respect pronoun choices, but the hard truth is that when the choice is based on lack of respect, it just makes the person choosing a jerk.
The use of person-independent neopronouns is a very difficult thing to adapt to. If you scan over my comments in this thread, you’ll likely notice that I don’t really use drag much because I have multiple barriers to communicating effectively while trying to use it. Which, I’ve discussed with them, and reached an understanding that it isn’t about rejecting their pronoun and isn’t meant as disrespect.
I do usually manage to not use pronouns at all in most cases when discussing DR’s pronoun with them, and sometimes when discussing it with others like this. It’s harder than just writing with the built up language patterns I already have, but easier than trying to substitute a different word entirely.
But those person-independent pronouns do have a point. The role they play in shifting how we think of gender, pronoun usage, and language in general is certainly absolutely a linguistically applicable idea. PI pronouns don’t always conform to standard grammar, at least not in English, but they don’t have to, to be valid as a personal expression or for the study of language.
A PI pronoun serves a similar role to other neopronouns. We do already have the singular “they/them” that are gender neutral, so neopronouns aren’t absolutely necessary in the sense that other options already exist. But, if you look at it from the perspective of questioning gendered language as a whole, or from the perspective of wanting a shift entirely away from gendered language in English entirely, neopronouns start becoming much more interesting as a phenomenon.
If Noel calls themself Noelself then Noel is not using a pronoun but rather Noel is referring to Noelself in the third person - and unnecessarily cluttering-up a sentence.
But, fuck Noel’s life, that’s just Noel’s opinion.
It made me so damn happy to see it.
Plus, my respect for everyone involved went higher than before.
Both the feddit admins for working things out this quickly, and Ada for showing that she’s the kind of admin that will fight tooth and nail for her instance and the people on it, but not hold grudges.
Drag apologised to Ada but she won’t unban drag :(. Drag was genuinely sorry. Misunderstood the situation, learned from the mistake.
I don’t know that that’s a grudge, but I understand it doesn’t feel good.
Fwiw, I enjoy having you around.
The reason why drag misunderstood the situation is because Ada broke a promise. Drag thought she kept it because drag trusted her. She thought drag was trying to make her look bad by proving she lied. But… drag couldn’t know the promise was broken, because it was to have a conversation in private messages. Drag thought the third party involved was lying that Ada didn’t do it. Drag was trying to prove them wrong by showing the promise. Drag didn’t know that proving Ada made a promise would make her look bad.
What the fuck are you talking about? Are you referring to yourself in the third person? Is this supposed to be cute?
They’ve done it on all the comments I’ve seen from them, I cringe hard every time.
You cringe when people use language differently than you?
People tend to cringe at weirdos who try to impose their incredibly niche language choices onto others
Like that guy who insisted on speaking exclusively in older English spellings (and was, like drag, a massive troll that was successful for a shockingly long time)
It’s called a neopronoun.
The choice of the specific one makes it look like it’s third person, but that’s not the way it’s used. While strange in implementation, it is a variation of the general concept of genderless speech that has been around for a few decades at this point.
If you change the specific one, drag, to something random like dey, it’s easier to parse. That it’s similar to the user name makes it more confusing than other options might.
It’s a lot to wrap one’s head around. I still can’t manage to think that way, and suspect I may never be able to. I can’t even manage to use that type of pronoun reliably in short bursts. It is, however, a very interesting concept that makes examining our language structure an informative process.
As an example, take a look at your own comment. It starts off aggressive, and making assumptions. Why? While the atypical pronoun usage can be confusing, it obviously isn’t a personal attack against you. So why does that confusion trigger aggressive word choices and structure? It’s at least partially because of dissonance stemming from unfamiliar language use.
But, why does that dissonance result in a desire to go after someone that was talking to someone else? Why does an unfamiliar form of communication shift a brain from just scrolling into aggression? It’s a fascinating thing once you step outside of the knee jerk reaction. Once you start looking at what’s happening inside yourself, and pick apart the chain of reactions, you see some inlaid patterns between language, expectations, and behaviors that’s enlightening.
See, we have this proclivity as people to reject the strange. Often on a very personal level, even when the originating stimulus isn’t personal at all. Again, the comment wasn’t directed at you. It’s obvious from the structure of it that it was directed at me in specific. It is also obvious that it was part of a conversation between two people familiar with each other.
It’s the equivalent of walking down the street, hearing two people talking, and getting upset at how they’re talking. It’s unlikely you would roll up to two people babbling in pig latin and say “what the fuck are you talking about” to one of them. I mean, I assume you’re not that big of a dick, nor stupid rich enough to ignore the risks of speaking like that to someone you don’t know. Maybe you would do exactly that. But most people wouldn’t.
So, why would this be any different? See? What a fascinating opportunity for increasing one’s understanding of themselves
“I” is the most genderless pronoun in existence - is it not? It literally means me, as a singular human entity. Linguistically I am yet to see any valid argument for its exclusion or substitution in speech. I get the whole problem with he/her etc - there are a specific niche of humans where those words are not sufficient nor apt to describe them and thankfully language then evolved for the sake of inclusivity.
Well, the valid argument is that we don’t get to decide when and what pronouns to respect. There doesn’t need to be any other rationale. It is definitely more difficult to parse than “I”, but that’s a matter of practicality, not validity.
You either respect the person’s pronouns, explain that you have enough difficulty using them that it would be prohibitive (like I have elsewhere in other conversations) and be nice about it, or you choose to disrespect the pronoun choices. It is every individuals choice whether or not to respect pronoun choices, but the hard truth is that when the choice is based on lack of respect, it just makes the person choosing a jerk.
The use of person-independent neopronouns is a very difficult thing to adapt to. If you scan over my comments in this thread, you’ll likely notice that I don’t really use drag much because I have multiple barriers to communicating effectively while trying to use it. Which, I’ve discussed with them, and reached an understanding that it isn’t about rejecting their pronoun and isn’t meant as disrespect.
I do usually manage to not use pronouns at all in most cases when discussing DR’s pronoun with them, and sometimes when discussing it with others like this. It’s harder than just writing with the built up language patterns I already have, but easier than trying to substitute a different word entirely.
But those person-independent pronouns do have a point. The role they play in shifting how we think of gender, pronoun usage, and language in general is certainly absolutely a linguistically applicable idea. PI pronouns don’t always conform to standard grammar, at least not in English, but they don’t have to, to be valid as a personal expression or for the study of language.
A PI pronoun serves a similar role to other neopronouns. We do already have the singular “they/them” that are gender neutral, so neopronouns aren’t absolutely necessary in the sense that other options already exist. But, if you look at it from the perspective of questioning gendered language as a whole, or from the perspective of wanting a shift entirely away from gendered language in English entirely, neopronouns start becoming much more interesting as a phenomenon.
I get to dictate exactly what I respect.
If Noel calls themself Noelself then Noel is not using a pronoun but rather Noel is referring to Noelself in the third person - and unnecessarily cluttering-up a sentence.
But, fuck Noel’s life, that’s just Noel’s opinion.
I disagree. I don’t think I would have had any clue what was going on if drag had chosen a different pronoun.