Some random dude walked up to me while I was waiting outside a food place for my food and asked me this question.
I said “no, I dont give out random favors” and something along the lines of that’s sus.
Is it rude to say no to random dude that asks for a favor?
It would be rude to not even allow them to ask. But it wouldn’t be rude to turn down the favor after hearing what it is.
(Seriously: If it’s a stranger, it’s not rude at all. It’s actually more rude to ask a complete stranger for a random favor)
Your stance is that I’m required to say yes for some random street person to ask you for a favor?
As in yes, please explain the favor first so I can say no afterwards?
I suffer from anxiety and nearly had a panic attack. Been mugged and had broken bone from it.
Edit, i guess I could have handled it better and was slightly rude for immediate denial.
I don’t think you’re required to do it, personally, but I agree that it would be rude to not even hear someone out. Especially with someone you know even as an acquaintance. It could be anything from, “can you hold this for a second” to “do you mind splitting this $8000 timeshare with me?”
If it’s just a completely random person on the street, and their first word is “can you do me a favor” that’s different. I think it’s still rude, I just also think that when you engage with entirely random people being rude is acceptable sometimes. Especially if there’s an actual reason for you to feel unsafe- if you’re alone/it’s a shady area type thing.
This probably depends on the area, though. I’m from the southeastern US and from my understanding people engage with each other waaay more in public here than they do in- as a random example- New York.
I have severe anxiety too. It is an unfortunate additional challenge, but it does not absolve us our part in society nor give us an excuse to treat others poorly.
“You can ask.”
A good answer
That’s a pretty good answer. Indicates you’re not taking any bullshit without being rude.
It’s still a bit passive aggressive, I would feel.
I think if I were quick of thought (oh, how I wish!) I’d reply something positive like, “sure, what’s up?” And then if the request were too onerous I’d say, “sorry, I can’t.”
When a stranger asks for a favor but then doesn’t immediately tell you what that favor is 9 times out of 10 it’s some bullshit you definitely don’t want to say yes to so just the phrasing of the initial question would make me feel less inclined to respond something nice.
Not my experience. I think “can I ask you a favour” is a normal opener to a request, rather than splurting out the whole request right away.
Depends on tone, for sure.
I don’t think it’s rude. It’s a favor, after all, not expected behavior.
I almost always respond with, “depends on the favor.” They could be asking for you to take their picture; they could be asking for $1000 for their MLM. I’m not signing a blank check by answering “yes”.
This is my go-to as well, never fails. Because a lot of the things people want me to do for them (especially at work in public-facing job) are legitimately things I won’t or don’t want to do.
As some others have said, no, it’s not rude to decline. Whether or not it’s rude is in how you word it. You were rude in this particular instance.
I’d like to advocate that - even if it is rude - it shouldn’t be a problem. What I mean is, if you ask someone you don’t know well for a favour, and you get a rude or borderline aggressive reply, just accept it and walk away. So many of us give weird-sounding answers in the spur of the moment, with no bad intentions. When you hear/receive one of those weird replies, it does no harm to give it the benefit of the doubt.
I don’t disagree, but the question was whether or not it’s rude. So that’s what I stuck to.
On the contrary, it’d be rude to expect any other answer. Shoving expectations onto a complete stranger and then judging them for firmly denying you is what’s rude here.
The question is rude in this context. It’s not rude to completely ignore rude questions.
Your rationalization sounds like some self centered manipulative bullying bullshit.
you are not obligated to speak to a random person in public at all
Congrats, you just dodged a fae bargain.
To be not rude, all you have to do is be polite.
If a stranger politely asks if you can do them a favor, you don’t have to say yes, and you don’t even have to ask what the favor is, but to be polite you do have to non-offensively respond to what they said. Like you can just reply “sorry, I’m busy right now” and keep walking on your way
It’s difficult to keep walking when you are sitting and waiting for food.
I was giving an example, you aren’t limited to just that exact response
I guess i may have been slightly rude for immediate denial of a stranger invading my personal space.
Is walking up to you and asking something while your waiting considered invading your personal space? Thats insane to me.
Said in another comment, he walked up to my table said hi and reached out to shake hands, set his stuff down on the table I was sitting at.
‘No.’ is a complete sentence and you do not have to justify yourself in any way. I don’t think that would be considered rude, either.
Not at all everyone has their own set of boundaries and if you don’t want to do something for a stranger that’s OK too.
Thanks, that’s kind of my stance. I’m suspicious of random humans.
“Sorry, I can’t help you.” Why? Because sometimes I hand out random favors, but not today to you.
Why? Because I can’t, like I said.
No one has to justify themselves. You asked, I said no. The end.
“You can ask.”
Assume they’re asking because they want to make sure it’s not imposing, in which case it’s good to assert boundaries you need too. If they push it was just a manipulation tactic, in which case you’re more than justified in walking.
He walked away. Said something about it’s not for money or something, I’m very suspicious of random humans.
Since he walked away i assume he meant no harm. I thought it strange shrug.
Sometimes people use that question rhetorically because it feels polite, viewing it as a small talk precursor to ease in to actually just saying what they want.
I don’t like when people use it as such, because it is insincere, poor consent practice, and low-key manipulative due to the foot in the door phenomenon .
There are tons of legitimate reasons to not be comfortable with the question. Don’t have time, bad headspace, don’t feel comfortable… If they can’t understand that, I try not to care what they think of me.
This is part of my fear.
There’s beggers all around in my area. I say no all the time. You get tired of all the same begging bs very quickly.
At least he didn’t continue asking you and following you.
You think it’s strange to ask a stranger for help? That sounds like a cold world to me
You weren’t there.
He walked up and said hi and wanted to shake my hand (red flags germaphobe)
Hey, can I ask you a favor? (As he tries to set stuff down next to me on the table, red flags what do you want from me, money, theft, drugs)
I stood up and was like like “no, you can’t ask me a favor.”
Like, seriously I guess I am rude for wanting to sit in peace and waiting for food from place.
You’re mixing up two very different things. In your post you asked how you should respond in the general situation of someone asking if you could do them a favor, and so that’s the question that people answered on this page. But then in your replies you try to apply those answers to a totally different situation.
Here’s the answer to the question you asked, and then the answer to the question you were trying to ask:
- If a person simply asks if you could do them a favor, then all the replies on this page apply.
BUT
- If a person is rude to you first then you are justified in being rude back to them.
Seeing your more description here:
TBH I would not know how to reply. I think your response sounds a bit rude, but not bad - and the other guy ought to take it in his stride and get over it.
The trick - apparently - is to be somehow quick-witted and articulate at the same time as you’re feeling anxious and crowded. Something like, “sorry, I’m not in a good space for strangers right now.” …But then, some strangers would take that as a cue of openness and enthusiastically start strangersplaining to you how they’re a good’un and it’s all alright and anyway you should be more open to people because society’s better that way…
So maybe your response isn’t all that bad, in the end.
Or, “not at the moment, sorry.”
See, eventually I can come up with a good response!
When I was growing up, attending Jewish day school, my Rabbi taught me that an opportunity to help a stranger is a gift. I would entertain the question and I recommend that you do too in the future. Obviously you don’t need to comply with any unreasonable requests but typically a stranger is only going to ask you for something that takes like 2 minutes of your time and no real loss.
Helping people is enriching and will give you a sense of well-being in this fucked up grim world. You come out ahead in these situations. On the flip side, it’s clear that refusing this stranger is eating at you at least a little and has done some tiny damage to your soul, strictly figuratively speaking.
I take your point, and in general agree with it. We should try to help.
Hoever, someone approaches like that and my radar is going off. Sorry, my safety comes first, so I’m just going to say “No thanks”, every time, because we all know this person is trying to scam someone. (And I literally mean “No thanks” - It’s oddly disarming by reversing the roles, if only for a moment).
Someone once told me “don’t let them use your principles against you”, which is exactly what this scammer is doing.
There’s a world of difference between helping a stranger and allowing yourself to be pulled into a potentially risky situation.
This is the same reason I never pick up hitch hikers (I have in certain areas/circumstances).
Though I have no problem helping someone on the side of the road. I’ve helped random people carry stuff out of the store to their car - by offering to help them.
These are different situations which you can assess in the moment.
I should add… I also take self defense very seriously, I lived in a town with active neonazis for a good portion of my adult life (outside of my control)
My willingness to engage with strangers is backed up by street smarts, heavy emphasis on situational awareness, and a disarming personality. I also keep pepper spray in my hand in my coat pocket at all times and I carry a handgun.
IMO nobody should let low scam resistance and physical vulnerability stop them from engaging with strangers if they have the ability to properly mitigate these risks. Wise up, get training, become exceptionally dangerous so you have the choice to be exceptionally kind.
If weapons are offputting to you due to cultural or political reasons, get fit and allow yourself to sprint the other direction if you feel threatened. This is the best way to win 90% of self defense encounters anyways.
Well, yes, I would say it’s rude if you have no reason to say no. At least hear them out is usually considered nice.
But…
If the person is clearly wanting to sell something to me, or trick me into something, or take advantage of me (typical in touristic places) I would just say “no thanks” and move on.
I think I agree with most of the replies here saying that the way it was handled was rude. If the opening response to me talking to someone was like that, I would feel like, okay, who pissed in your cheerios and I would have walked off.
Like others have said, there’s more to the solution than a yes or no. I personally think “depends on the favor” , is a very appropriate response, or a “maybe what do you want” Or if you’re planning on saying no regardless, do it how you did, without calling the other person creepy, its just extremly rude to assume someone is a creep while also shutting them down before they can actually talk.
