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ZeroCool@lemmy.ca to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 6 days ago

RFK Jr. Announces Plans to Live Forever After Stuffing His Holes with Silica Gel Packets

thehardtimes.net

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RFK Jr. Announces Plans to Live Forever After Stuffing His Holes with Silica Gel Packets

thehardtimes.net

ZeroCool@lemmy.ca to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 6 days ago
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Secretary of Health Robert F. Kennedy Jr. today declared his plans to live for eternity after stuffing his orifices with silica gel packets.
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  • jonathan7luke@lemmy.zip
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    6 days ago

    Looking forward to seeing this exact headline on NotTheOnion in a few months.

    • FuckFascism@lemmy.world
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      6 days ago

      Glad I wasn’t the only one.

  • Itdidnttrickledown@lemmy.world
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    6 days ago

    You have to check for the onion now.

    In the before before time we didn’t have empty ball sacks in charge of aspirin. Even less the FDA.

  • Øπ3ŕ@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    5 days ago

    …wish a motherfucker would.

  • tal@lemmy.today
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    6 days ago

    IIRC, silica gel beads enlarge when they absorb water.

    • PattyMcB@lemmy.world
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      6 days ago

      I think that’s the plan, lol

  • Pringles@sopuli.xyz
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    5 days ago

    Since the ivermectin didn’t kill him, can we push the narrative that injecting a gram of botox will make him live a lot longer?

  • massive_bereavement@fedia.io
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    6 days ago

    A Fool proof strategy.

  • LousyCornMuffins@lemmy.world
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    6 days ago

    Bing!-wait, satire? Dammit I was gonna win

  • Zephorah@discuss.online
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    6 days ago

    https://youtu.be/ChgIkbg0x80

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