I did say i was going balls to the wall, right?

I was actually studying during cardio but not coding, lol

I went to the gym for a couple years and managed to increase my PR’s consistently and doubled my bodyweight at the same bf %.

Then i decided i was disciplined enough for a homegym as the gym attracted a crowd of generic fools instead of the old club of bodybuilders and powerlifters…i wasn’t disciplined enough.

I really need that: “since i’m already here, might as well go balls to the wall”.

My old gym cost about €13, now generic shit gyms cost more than twice as much. I won’t be going back at those prices because food and rent also tripled, i don’t grow money from a tree or something.

You sleep in the bed you made.

It was reported a decent amoint of time ago and i thought i felt a difference…turned out my isp was sending air bubbles through the internet cable.

After the internet stabilized i noticed exactly zero, just an occasional “restart browser because video’s stopped playing alltogether”

Now you added an insulting term to drive home your point, you seem a little nuts imho.

You went from “colored is an insult” to “call 'm negro”…ffs dude get a grip.

I don’t know if it’s scary, but in the absolute core of my existence i just need my life to stop sooner rather than later.

I’ve always been a bit suicidal leaning but when i was stopped i never had the courage to try again.

Every single day my mind tells me “would’ve been better if you did, it’s all a big shitshow anyway” it never misses a day. I keep telling myself to not listen to it but i do agree.

I had a certain circumstance a couple yeara ago where i was close to dieing and it brought me peace…i felt calm and became accepting of what was to come (despite the intense pain). Wife calles an ambulance which they refused to send as we were too calm for it to be believable, so we took a taxi and that’s when they got to see the pain i was in and realized time was running out quick.

Bla bla bla etc etc, i got sent home a while later and the same pain returned…excruciating bone wrenching all encompassing pain and all my mind had to add was: “if this is real, just go to sleep and you won’t have to wake up again”.

And i did, despite this absolute tormenting pain i fell asleep so peacefully and convinced of it all ending…it was such a relief.

But i woke up after…shit.

That’s the darkest corner of my existence.

I’ll give you my uneducated findings: self driving cars are not ready.

I doubt they will ever be really ready, they’ll eventually be considered “ready enough” no software will always work without flaws. When that software controls a car a minor flaw might mean 20 deaths.

I still miss og tumblr and my little porn account i had going there.