ALQ

Considering you’ve thought about it, you’re already ahead of 95% of congress.

On the bright side, that means the horse can continue the torture forever. Autocorrect is a mean bastard, but I’m thinking this one’s not so bad.

That goddamned movie made leaves look delicious and my child self did not appreciate the lesson in reality versus fantasy. ಠ_ಠ

I’m guessing it’s that the main character’s baby is the “destined” lover of the character who was the second male lead. Alternately, it could be that the main character is a teenager courted by a man hundreds of years her senior, but that one tends to be less frowned upon in media.

Either way, I think Meyer would’ve come up with her drivel one way or another.

To a penguin.

First we had to worry about microplastics invading our junk, now we have to fend off butterflies, too?!

It’s in the setup of the joke

Yep. Last time I heard this joke, it was about a Jewish owner and an antisemite buying the drinks. And I think you’re spot on with #3.

She would almost certainly have threatened to contact her “solicitor,” not her “attorney,” if it were real, given she’s from/in the UK. Still a very entertaining read, though.