I’m a 42M, my wife is 37. We’ve got a great marriage, super happy, everything’s solid. About a year ago, we met this guy (36M) through some mutual friends, and over time he’s become really close to us. We hang out all the time, meals, weekends, trips, you name it. Lately there have been some running jokes about how we’re basically a throuple already, and those jokes have been getting a little more… not-jokey. For the record, I’m not into guys and neither is he. But honestly, the idea is kind of exciting in a weird way, and I really like having him around, he feels like a best friend at this point. My wife’s also open to it. So yeah… would it be totally nuts to actually explore this?
It really depends, but ultimately a lot of social interactions can only happen between two people at once. Say you and your wife get into a fight. Instead of fighting it out & making up, she now has the option to stop fighting you and go hang out with your co-husband - and you aren’t invited. She also has the option to emotionally strong arm you to get her way by not only stonewalling you/withholding affection, but also by threatening to push you out of your marriage for another guy who literally lives with you both. Conversely, she does the same thing to the other guy.
Basically, now all those 2-person social interactions that happen in a marriage become much more complicated due to the presence of a 3rd person.
You’d need to have a lot of trust in your wife (and this other guy too) - she’d need to have a tremendous amount of emotional stability and be non-manipulative. She’d suddenly have a lot more power in the relationship in a very inequitable way.
My wife and I are very into monogamy. But she has a serious temper and can be very manipulative when she’s angry (she’s gotten better about this, but it’s a known issue). It’d be very easy for her to do something hurtful. I’m not talking about sex, just the emotional threat of turning to someone else for relief from me - and the implied threat of pushing me out.