Context: A young adult tells his mother that he’s depressed and that life is meaningless and that he wants to die (suicide is not directly mentioned but implied). Then the mother proceeds to express “regretting giving birth to you” directly to that young adult.
(That young adult is me)
“Normal”, hmmm. I remember being confused at school when we had to analyse literature and “motherly love” was given as an example of a universal theme. Really? Not in my experience. According to my own dear mama, my younger sister and I were both mistakes. She made it very clear always what a heinous burden we were.
In retrospect, she was a terrible person for saying such things. We were not awful kids, and grew up to be pretty good people. Yes, we’ve both struggled a bit with depression and self doubt, but on the whole, not bad.
So I would say your mother’s cruelty isn’t what’s generally considered “normal”, but it’s not that uncommon. Some people shouldn’t have children, in my view. There’s a lot of societal pressure to procreate in the first place, and then barriers to choosing not to. And it must be horrendous to find yourself not enjoying motherhood at all when it’s supposed to be your peak experience. Still no excuse for such meanness though.
Carry on living, young adult! It’s too easy to get dragged down by shit like this. Life is fleeting in the grand sweep of the universe, keep your heart open to possibilities and options and chances. And remind your mother that you’ll be choosing her care home one day.
Not normal, just uhhh… maybe common.
I don’t know how your mom is, but I found this funny recently, maybe you’ll too:
Not normal, just uhhh… maybe common.
I was trying to think of a way to put it, but that’s a good sentence in this context for sure.
Also, yes, blood relation does not mean you have to put up with some asshole’s cruelty. Cut them out if you can.
I was just consuming some media and that line of “regretting giving birth” came up and I was just like: I hope that’s not that common.
Not normal, just uhhh… maybe common.
Either you don’t know what normal is or common is if you think they’re different things…
Cancer is not normal cell tissue, but it’s very common. They are different words, with different meanings.
I’m so glad you chimed in. Everyone loves someone who starts a silly, pedantic argument for no good reason. That’s even more true on a thread where someone wants a serious response.
Maybe. The way I understand it:
Normal is something that’s basically the way it should be, while common just refers to being of higher frequency of occurence, regularly seen.
For example: “Is police brutality normal?” vs “Is police brutality common?”
No and yes.Normal is something that’s basically the way it should be,
That is incorrect
First definition from your link:
conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern characterized by that which is considered usual, typical, or routine
I’m guessing the other person meant “the way it should be” not in a normative way but as in “the way you’d expect it to be since that’s the usual way”. That’s in line with the definition. Bottom line is both have several definitions but “normal” definitely has a very different connotation from “common”.
I’m guessing the other person meant “the way it should be”
That’s a pretty safe guess considering they explicitly said that…
But I don’t think I’m going to make much ground explaining to you why they’re wrong either
You misunderstood that sentence but I’m fine with leaving it be too.
Hey, don’t let that push you further down. She shouldn’t have ever said that shit whether she feels it or not. That’s fucked of her.
I’m sorry you are having a bad time. Life isn’t meaningless, but sometimes you have to make it mean something. It’s hard and it can suck, it’s easy to lose your way and feel deep despair. But keep pressing on and chances are you’ll find people to be with that have no regrets. Learn to do things for you and take enjoyment and self appreciation for those things you accomplish. You can make it. You just have to keep putting one foot forward, even if it’s only a smidge.
Does it happen. Yes.
Is it normal or healthy. No.
I knew a mother who raised her daughter knowing she was rape baby. Told her since she was five years old. That is seriously fucked up. I can only imagine the psychological issues this would cause.
I don’t know how common it is, so I’m not sure how normal it is. I think a lot of people live with parents who don’t seem to understand how their words affect their children. My mother has never said this to me, and if she ever did, it would have crushed me. I’m sorry OP. I’m not sure what her reason was for saying that to you, but we’re glad you’re here and alive. It’ll get better.
My mom said it to me frequently before I cut her out, which is a pretty good indication it’s not normal. A therapist would tell you that’s a reflection of her issues; if she had a different kid instead of you she would have said the same thing to them. You, as a person, don’t really factor into why she feels that way.
As for your feelings, let me know what you come up with. I’m in the same boat emotionally and I don’t see a way out either.
I think you need to go to a therapist
That is something my mother said to me a lot. Along with, “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it”. It’s fucked up, because it’s not like anyone chooses to be born. These are not normal things for a parent to say by any means. It’s emotional abuse.
You deserve better than that! It’s not easy cutting ties with family, but life is a lot easier when you’re not dealing with such a toxic, resentful human in your life.
That’s pretty fucked up. She needs therapy and so do you.
No. That’s fucked up.
I think it happens often. Doesn’t make it right. I’m sorry she said something so hurtful to you.
If you want advice or just to talk, message me. I will listen.
Curious about the meaning of life? I don’t think we’re really assigned roles. We’re just kind of here. You can just do the minimum if you want, just securing food and shelter. Or you can choose to do more if you have the means. You have the freedom to assign your own meaning to your life. I find most people either pursue religion/spirituality, community service, knowledge, or pleasure.
Yeah I think it happens pretty damn often. It’s not normal in that it’s okay though. It’s obviously a fucked up thing.
You’re mother is a piece of shit, I’m sorry that happened to you it’s not even slightly normal. Also I want you to know you’re life is important no matter what your mother says.
Sounds like depression runs in your family.
I wouldn’t be shocked your mother is processing shame/guilt in this comment she made.
I’ve always tried to remain curious and open minded in my life. Do you know what I didn’t expect coming into motherhood? Needing to learn how to segregate my sense of self from my kid’s.
It was instinctual to feel my child’s embarrassment/guilt/pain as my own, or as a reflection apon me. While some actions kids make are a reflection of parenting, some are not. It’s hard to distinguish in the early years, I imagine it carried through the life stages if not adressed. Basically it’s learning to see a literal dna extension of yourself as their own being. Your mom caught some adrenaline from hearing you’re feeling depressed or she wouldn’t have said something so emotional and targeted.
I bet she’s overwhelmed and clearly doesn’t have the coping. Don’t take it personally, like, don’t internalize that shit. She too, her own person, and you didn’t ask for this. Feel free to keep your distance from her for a time. If you feel comfortable when you’re both in better headspace, tell her what she said hurt your feelings.
If she responds poorly, well mom’s a shit head and now you know it. If she responds kindly and apologizes, you’ve ground to work with.
I haven’t talked to my mom in 15 years, she responded poorly.
I hope you feel better, I’m glad you’re here today. Take care
